Love is the greatest thing our heart can know // But the hole that it leaves in its absence can make you feel so low

My hard drive burned out last night, so I had to cut into the savings for a new one this morning, taking up the whole time before work where I usually pretend to study. It works well, still sad about some of the stuff I lost, 10GB of Daria episodes/icons/notes/links = hasta lasagna. Ahh diddums. Got to go to breakfast with the Grandma's, my Great Grandma believes with no doubt that Great Grandpa is haunting her house, moving things for no apparant reason and hiding objects and bring long lost objects out of oblivion. That made me really really happy, I hope with everything that I have that it's true. Really helped to brush away some of this mess that has been blowing around in my head lately, for a little while anyway. Today was hard, it woke me up in the night twice and blew my concentration at work, it's hard. My degree in ameture psychology leads me to my old stand-by paranoid philosophy: That any woman that I adore I don't deserve. And it's so much shit to think like that, and it was totally not like that for so long, but I'm building up the same walls. I'm afraid of being possessive, that if I was dating her that I could never be as special to her as she would be to me and that I'd be keeping her from someone ridiculously better than I am. But tonight as I was cashing out one of the drawers, our cool 20-something manager Mr. Ivezaj (Ah-veh-z) explained how earlier today he had asked his girlfriend of 7 years to marry him and she had said that she "needed time/space" and he was thinking that it had to be over and that a lot of it was due to his ultra-intrusive family and their non-acceptance of her, an Italian, marrying him, an Albanian. It was helpful to me, and I think him, that we could share what was up with each other, with the "girl I like" and with his lady and talk some sense into each other man to man and that he should definatly not take it as a sign that she doesn't want to be with him and that he should really put the "you are very important to me, but it's my life" speech to the family, something he had tried some before but was ready to go full force for to gain her love. It helped to hear somebody open up like that so deeply, it makes me want to do the same and not let it numb me or bring anger into my heart. After all, we are all people, we're all we got.

If music is my lover, you are just a tease // You make love to a shadow, whose face is hollow money

So the new U2 is upon us ! (or myself I should say since my theory that not only does nobody like U2 but everyone dislikes them goes relatively unchallenged) It was weird, I haven't taken to it much, I ceremoniously listened to it once through Tue. night and halfway through the next day and it made me want to listen to 'Pop' and 'Acutung Baby' like crazy, it takes me awhile to get attached sometimes/to brush aside what I think an album is going to be like before I hear it. It snowed yesterday!! That's where it's at. I woke up yesterday and lo and behold we had a light sheet of it on the ground and in the trees and it kept lightly falling all day long. Drove to OCC Highland Lakes and did some schoolwork, listened to 'Pop' mostly, talked to Shannon before class some, she gave me back my Nellie McKay cds, she said they were "nice" as I said no problem about borrowing them since I knew the new U2 was coming out, to which an unknown student remarked how much he disliked them (I almost told him to take a number...ha) I don't think music is very important to her. It feels like we are at a plateau right now, like not going up or down very much, I don't know (subconscious fears of what will happen when class is done creeping in?). Went with Raj to meet up with Isaacs, Higgy, Meghan and etc. at 'The Shark's Club' last night and was told straight up that "I shouldn't bother even waiting in line, we're not going to let you in, you are not up to dress code" I wore it as a badge of honour as Raj and I went back to the Rajala manor with the Dustin and Misty and chewed the fat. Thanksgiving is so funnnny. Like you know when everyone gets in there, the fuse it lit. It's all a matter of time. Met the newest member of the extended fam, little cuz Lincoln Abraham (That's awesome), my Aunt's 7th child (4th adopted), and he is a 3 week old champ. Welcome to the asylum little man :-). Most Valuable Quote of the dinner goes like this:

Grandma(whispered): "Courtney, call John in here, Kim is really bothering him."
Courtney/Doshi(to me, minutes after she pulls him out of harm's way): "Grandma said she was embarrassed about saying that you Mother is irritating people loud enough for you to hear."
Justin/Dussi: "Ha, just making herself at home."

Well I'm going to have some fun with my 2 new friends, the theorems of absolute value and perpendicular vectors, ciao.

Hold your glass up, hold it in // never betray the way you've always known it is

Sleep again after 7:00 A.M. store meeting is of no use, I give up. Man I just got The Shins 'Oh, Inverted World' 2 days ago and it's like an instant classic. I bumped into Raj and Chris at Best Buy that day and they were having all cd's like $13.99 and below as $9.99 so I picked it up as I'd always wanted to, knowing that it had 'New Slang' on it (Sam: "Here, listen to this song (hands Largeman headphones)...it'll change your life") and I put it in right off and the first track was 'Caring is Creepy' (also from the 'Garden State') and I hadn't seen that it was on there and it was just great. I got to hang out with Melissa today/yesterday! My bestest lady friend and I had some coffee/hot cocoa for a few hours and then watched a film called 'Happenstance' (with our beloved Audrey Tautou), freely talking of all things in between. It's so fun to see her (she lives in the Rhode Island for most days save these bunched up T-giving/X-mas holidays), she listens to all the crazy things that I say (or at least is very good at pretending to, j/k it's the former) and puts up with my horrible social tendencies (interrupting when I get excited, being "pompous" and more). It was really nice, like for some time for me it's been either these short high's (where I think my feet get a little too far off the ground, you know the feeling?) or those lows/fatigued times, either one or the other, but tonight it was just like a calm-cheerful middle, which might not sound like much of a compliment, but it really really is. I'm way lucky to have her as an amiga.

Go tonight, close your eyes // dream about a certain place

I had to write it down, it was driving me nuts.

I got my 'X-mas paycheck' today, the paycheck with all the v-cation days that I cashed in aka didn't take (good for shopping, bad for semblance of sanity), but this is good news. Christmas shopping/creating is something I enjoy very much, any reason for paying back My Heroes is just fine here. Here's where we stand to the moment in no particular order:

Dad, Ma, Brandon, Baun, Kristen...not yet
The Grandmas/G-Pa...not yet but have some ideas
Wendy/Tommy + the cuz's...ideas...ideas
Isaacs...14-21 days delivery
Higgy...14-21 days delivery
Raj...14-21 days delivery
Nick...pre-ordered
The D...gotta get it sent out here soon
Jessica...i HAVE to think of something
Melissa...94% done (that's an objective number BTW)
May-gan...she will like this
Shannon...dare I take the traditional self-destructive path and get her something that could only be over the top?...

If you're not on here somehow totally drop me a line and do the "you know I saw this one thing and so-and-so's..." you may just find it in yer stocking. I've been thinking a lot of 'Test-tube fertilization and outsife of womb development' (better word for all that?) it's freaking me out, because I guess scientists can grow a human child for up to 3 months in vitro and at the other end, doctors can save a child and keep it alive etc. from 5 months after fertilization and it's scary because with the laws the way they are and with the progress of science both ways, science could someday soon grow a "child" that is legally not a "human" because it was never "born". Bad news. Molly Ringwald is redic.. Like I used to love Breakfast Club (I almost was Anthony Michael Hall at the H.S. before the teacher pulled the plug on Director Tommy Issac's gem the day it twas to open), then like a year ago I watched it and didn't like it somehow, now I see it and it's great again. Isn't that weird sometimes how you can come back to something from your past and like it more or totally dislike it?? Like experience changes it somehow. That's weird.

Fill yourself with dreams

This is no lie: I did a speech this AM, on the 11th hour of the day, on the 11th day of the 11th month and the speech clocked in at exactly 11 min 11 sec. Funny, didn't WWI end at the same time? It's so weird, like Wed. night we are walking and the "kid that I think has a crush on her" was talking about something to her and as we were in like a triangle pattern she looked at him (well slightly at me also, but probably like 75/25 to him) and asked if he/we wanted to continue the convo. someplace like Ram's Horn and so we agreed to it. Driving there it was the total "well I guess we have to throw down" feel, I went the wrong way I was thinking about it so much. And so the guy and I walk in (he introduces himself as Bill as I hold the door) and we meet her and like immediately she breezes across the dining room to two fellas that she knows from "the day" that she hadn't seen in "over 2 years", leaving the Bill and I with our proverbial dicks in our hands. What was pretty cool was that, in moral of the story fashion, Bill ended up being a pretty cool guy despite what I believed for some reason. Talked about the football, music etc but time passed a bit slowly and save a 5 min visit from the Shannon, only to be pulled away by her ex-b/f (and his gal) that "she hadn't seen in over a year, and he is with THAT girl!", we kinda just talked and glanced over at whatever table the one whom invited us in the first place was sitting. I saw Chris Hoydic and Josh Vilinski and said some hi's and when Bill saw that I knew some people there, asked me if was cool if he decided to peace, with a subdued anger/disbelief. I said it was cool, I'd go chill with them prolly, and of course when he left, I sat there glancing over to that table until she saw and she came back over and we talked for 20 min or so. She picked up my p-cakes tab (she thinks she owes me I guess...sigh) and asked if it would be cool if we said our g'byes as she was going to go off and chill someplace with the aforementioned guys. I was cool with that, got a hug and a "call me sometime" and I left with a weird taste in my mouth, like almost mad but really more confused and humorous. Like do we really have something that I felt that night before, or am I another in a perhaps long line of casual acquaintances? I'm calm. Chris "Riot" Villa says I have to promote his show on 20 November 2004 at WB Stadium, so either go here: http://completeerror.blogspot.com/ or get your 'click onto Complete Error link to the right margin' on (throw him a comment like me, he'll go ooples + bonooes). What's next, adding pop-ups ads to this joint? Well I guess we are all walking billboards; clothing, cars, accessories et. al., might as well get some light on something for the good anyway.

But We'll Stay

Have you ever had a moment that if it came down to pen and paper would be almost like trying to measure how many inches wide the universe is or something? Shannon and I saw 'Garden State' tonight and talked into the monring outside alone. That's the english. I feel like I should never put anything else in here because I'm cheating and nothing I've said before comes close to the feelings of that time shortly ago. I don't know what else to say at all. I played this on repeat when I got back as I wrote in my notebook how almost depressed I am that I'm even "bothering" her with myself. But for that time I don't think I've ever felt more safe.

I was thinking it's a sign that the freckles
in our eyes are mirror images and when
we kiss they're perfectly aligned
and I have to speculate that god himself
did make us into corresponding shapes like
puzzle pieces from the clay
and true, it may seem like a stretch, but
its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
head when you're away when I am missing
you to death
when you are out there on the road for
several weeks of shows and when you scan
the radio, I hope this song will guide you
home

they will see us waving from such great
heights, "come down now," they'll say
but everything looks perfect from far away,
"come down now," but we'll stay...

I tried my best to leave this all on your
machine but the persistant beat it sounded
thin upon listening
and that frankly will not fly. you will hear
the shrillest highs and lowest lows with
the windows down when this is guiding
you home

they will see us waving from such great
heights, "come down now," they'll say
but everything looks perfect from far away,
"come down now," but we'll stay...

My Friends...... :-)

'I Got a Man', from brief mention at the poker table to superstardom:


MacPhisto1O (4:09:59 AM): http://home.ripway.com/2004-8/162371/GREAT.mp3
MacPhisto1O (4:10:01 AM): !!!
ThornlnMySide97 (4:10:23 AM): band?
MacPhisto1O (4:10:27 AM): SONG
MacPhisto1O (4:10:39 AM): click it, it should do the rest :-) :-)
ThornlnMySide97 (4:11:48 AM): by whom?
ThornlnMySide97 (4:11:55 AM): no speakers on this mug
MacPhisto1O (4:12:01 AM): ah fuck!
MacPhisto1O (4:12:05 AM): i got a man
MacPhisto1O (4:12:23 AM): i put it on D's
MacPhisto1O (4:12:53 AM): "you're man's a headache, i'll be yer aspirin"
ThornlnMySide97 (4:13:46 AM): oh god is that the song?
MacPhisto1O (4:13:55 AM): ja
ThornlnMySide97 (4:14:49 AM): i'm quite familiar wif that song
MacPhisto1O (4:15:07 AM): the best part, it drops the beat to use the sharpest lryic, about pee wee herman
ThornlnMySide97 (4:15:32 AM): wut lyric is that?
MacPhisto1O (4:16:30 AM): You know what's the problem, ya not used to learnin' //I'm Big Daddy Longstroke, and your man's Pee Wee Herman
MacPhisto1O (4:16:36 AM): hahahha Big Daddy Longstroke
ThornlnMySide97 (4:16:41 AM): rofl
ThornlnMySide97 (4:16:53 AM): man, that bitch don't know what she's missin
MacPhisto1O (4:17:44 AM): hahhah indeed
MacPhisto1O (4:17:59 AM): girl: got a question to ask you troop //Are you a chef, cause you keep feedin me soup
ThornlnMySide97 (4:18:20 AM): soup?
ThornlnMySide97 (4:18:22 AM): is that slang?
MacPhisto1O (4:18:28 AM): hahah evidently
MacPhisto1O (4:19:47 AM): All them girls must got you gassed //A-when they see a good thing they don't let it pass
ThornlnMySide97 (4:19:48 AM): i'm gonna start using it
MacPhisto1O (4:19:56 AM): now that is just outrageous
MacPhisto1O (4:20:27 AM): pass and gas....clevar!
ThornlnMySide97 (4:20:49 AM): just like up and up
MacPhisto1O (4:22:23 AM): hahahha man Riot needs to get ahold of these beats
MacPhisto1O (4:22:26 AM): they are hott
ThornlnMySide97 (4:22:48 AM): rofl. that party is gonna be so great
MacPhisto1O (4:23:28 AM): Guy: I don't want no beef, I just wants to get together // Girl: But how you talkin, pssssh, whatevah!
ThornlnMySide97 (4:23:50 AM): sir long johnson
ThornlnMySide97 (4:23:51 AM): get it right
ThornlnMySide97 (4:23:55 AM): it's not just "guy"
MacPhisto1O (4:24:07 AM): haaaaaaaaaaaahhahaha
MacPhisto1O (4:24:16 AM): are you kidding!!?
ThornlnMySide97 (4:24:52 AM): about what?
MacPhisto1O (4:24:59 AM): it just came up as 'Positive K'
MacPhisto1O (4:25:03 AM): that name
MacPhisto1O (4:25:12 AM): it's perfectly early 90's that's mad
ThornlnMySide97 (4:25:56 AM): i subconsciously knew that
ThornlnMySide97 (4:26:10 AM): u think reliant k was named after them?
MacPhisto1O (4:27:18 AM): you know that's very possible
MacPhisto1O (4:27:23 AM): hehehe
MacPhisto1O (4:28:56 AM): Chris would get so angry if we brought this out to the rap show
ThornlnMySide97 (4:29:16 AM): DO IT
MacPhisto1O (4:29:19 AM): Isaacs said we should
MacPhisto1O (4:29:32 AM): i would need help
ThornlnMySide97 (4:29:38 AM): i'll sing wif you
MacPhisto1O (4:29:39 AM): there's no way i learn all these lyrics by then
MacPhisto1O (4:29:45 AM): HAHAHAHa no!
MacPhisto1O (4:29:53 AM): me you and isaacs
MacPhisto1O (4:29:55 AM): o wow
MacPhisto1O (4:30:24 AM): Well hey I think you're bluffing // Well I'ma call my man // Well I can get raggamuffin
ThornlnMySide97 (4:31:01 AM): we could learn em
MacPhisto1O (4:31:03 AM): WTF raggamuffin
ThornlnMySide97 (4:31:12 AM): LOL
MacPhisto1O (4:32:36 AM): dude you gotta get that d-load too just so yo ucan hear the begining part again "hows the same shit happen to the same guy twice" (break to cliche early 90's pop-rap brass instruments)
ThornlnMySide97 (4:34:15 AM): everyone is sleeping no speakers for me
ThornlnMySide97 (4:34:16 AM): brb
MacPhisto1O (4:34:29 AM): oye
ThornlnMySide97 (4:44:04 AM): we're doing that song
MacPhisto1O (4:44:32 AM): hahahahha hells ya
MacPhisto1O (4:44:35 AM): i'm in
MacPhisto1O (4:45:01 AM): it will be amazing
MacPhisto1O (4:45:33 AM): we will either be ejected from the building forever or hailed as heroes
ThornlnMySide97 (4:45:46 AM): i'm goin with ejected
MacPhisto1O (4:45:59 AM): mi tambien
ThornlnMySide97 (4:46:16 AM): that way we'll have an excuse to leave
MacPhisto1O (4:46:39 AM): tu shet !
MacPhisto1O (4:46:53 AM): gotta lock down the lyrics then is what we gotta do
MacPhisto1O (4:48:25 AM): + if we get Higgo up there he will add spice if not lyrics
ThornlnMySide97 (4:48:32 AM): he can dance
MacPhisto1O (4:48:44 AM): hahahhahhhha yes yes he can
MacPhisto1O (4:49:27 AM): he'll have some shots before, so he'll be sauced propper and we'll get him a lyric also
MacPhisto1O (4:50:22 AM): it will be gloria
MacPhisto1O (4:50:24 AM): !
MacPhisto1O (4:50:29 AM): gloria = glorious
MacPhisto1O (4:52:35 AM): you know it
MacPhisto1O (4:53:13 AM): well man i'm gonna get my beauty sleep, later today we will battle Hey Chris for teh rap crown
ThornlnMySide97 (4:53:43 AM): yeah come here to reherse
MacPhisto1O (4:53:52 AM): heheheh o you got it
MacPhisto1O (4:54:33 AM): aight man hasta lasagna

Tell Me About Your Love Affairs

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>[Lawrence has just extinguished a match between his thumb and forefinger. William Potter surreptitiously attempts the same]
William Potter : Ooh! It damn well 'urts!
T.E. Lawrence : Certainly it hurts.
Officer: What's the trick then?
T.E. Lawrence : The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it hurts.

I think all this Halloween candy is messin with the intestins (that was a rhyme by accident) but seriously I have a permanent sweet tooth and Halloween tests the all-time total of 0.5 cavities in the history (it was only half a cavity I decided from like 2 years ago that they got with their horrible picking tools on of all teeth, the front upper right one (??)) It's cold enough finally that I could unveil the great $2.99 Sal. Army top coat, Shannon poked fun of me but I enjoy wearing it. I'm still trying to catch up sleepwise because of the election "celebration" at the Raj manor, leave it to Higgins and Co. to devise a drinking game for themselves in accordance to the electoral college (finally it is over !), then of course getting home and my Ma making me drive her up to the gas station at 4:30 AM for cigs.....We now have 3 mice in my room in the aquarium, Randall Hopkirk, Yorkshire and ______(input), whom the cats have taken a special liking to. They are quite safe. The mice. I stayed up way too late "studying" (of course studying in quotations means watching 'Lawrence of Arabia') for the Communication test today, so of course we get there bright and early and find that it's an open book exam, so thanks (William) Wallace for that info beforehand. But the plan is to add to the 4 hours of sleep that I got today with 3 more right now, then rent 'Barbarian Invasion' at Melissa's recommendation then sleep until Saturday, so good night.