I'm not gonna look down and I'm not gonna look back

Something that makes me smile when I'm down is when the snow is coming down so thick at night that it turns the freeway into a racetrack, with no lanes to have to follow and a pretend Daytona 500 in my mind.

I also like it when I hear a song that I fall in love with instantly and, when I leave it behind that first day, it keeps warming my heart even when I can't remember the words a bit. Like this one.

I don't expect you to understand // The kingdom of Heaven is in your hand

Sudden death is life's coldest blow. Robbing us of final glories and last goodbyes, it seems only driven deeper through the souls of all around by mystery circling the circumstances.

Complete disbelief from the first telephone call. Scanning your mind for those last words together where laughs or harsh words were said through phones or across dinner plates or computer screens. Words that cannot be taken back or emphasized are the final living chapter to a story whose final pages seem cruely torn away before they are shared by all eyes and hearts.

The solace we take as the days begin to slowly pass are in the wishes that person would have that you keep their memory alive as you yourself live on through time.

The solace we take as the weeks begin to slowly pass are not in that single moment when we suddenly wish we could have done more or not said so much but in all those moments in time that we shared a laugh, a beer, a shoulder.

The solace we take as we live with them in our hearts forever is that as their life is unexpectedly stolen away to fate or to God's plan, it gives us a true understanding to both how valuable our lives truly are as they draw closer each unpredictable day to sunset as well as just how much love you can give to one, how it rushes up against you, drowning you it now seems just as it lights the way to your past together and your future without.

Seven days ago marks 5 years since our young cousin left us. I mourn him always.

Tonight my brother walks through much too similar of darkness, a friend lost to the Heavens. In his heart he will become immortal. When the way is blinded by tears his heart will lead him forward.