Love is the greatest thing our heart can know // But the hole that it leaves in its absence can make you feel so low

My hard drive burned out last night, so I had to cut into the savings for a new one this morning, taking up the whole time before work where I usually pretend to study. It works well, still sad about some of the stuff I lost, 10GB of Daria episodes/icons/notes/links = hasta lasagna. Ahh diddums. Got to go to breakfast with the Grandma's, my Great Grandma believes with no doubt that Great Grandpa is haunting her house, moving things for no apparant reason and hiding objects and bring long lost objects out of oblivion. That made me really really happy, I hope with everything that I have that it's true. Really helped to brush away some of this mess that has been blowing around in my head lately, for a little while anyway. Today was hard, it woke me up in the night twice and blew my concentration at work, it's hard. My degree in ameture psychology leads me to my old stand-by paranoid philosophy: That any woman that I adore I don't deserve. And it's so much shit to think like that, and it was totally not like that for so long, but I'm building up the same walls. I'm afraid of being possessive, that if I was dating her that I could never be as special to her as she would be to me and that I'd be keeping her from someone ridiculously better than I am. But tonight as I was cashing out one of the drawers, our cool 20-something manager Mr. Ivezaj (Ah-veh-z) explained how earlier today he had asked his girlfriend of 7 years to marry him and she had said that she "needed time/space" and he was thinking that it had to be over and that a lot of it was due to his ultra-intrusive family and their non-acceptance of her, an Italian, marrying him, an Albanian. It was helpful to me, and I think him, that we could share what was up with each other, with the "girl I like" and with his lady and talk some sense into each other man to man and that he should definatly not take it as a sign that she doesn't want to be with him and that he should really put the "you are very important to me, but it's my life" speech to the family, something he had tried some before but was ready to go full force for to gain her love. It helped to hear somebody open up like that so deeply, it makes me want to do the same and not let it numb me or bring anger into my heart. After all, we are all people, we're all we got.