Looks like mornin' in your eyes

Happy Halloween! Gonna type way fast because even with spinning the hour hand back I still am gonna come up short on sleep due to getting the hairdye at Walgreeners early for the Chuck costume. Def. a trick and a treat from 10-6 at your local drugstore. Raj and I were up at 7-11 tonight and I happened to pick up a magazine with Jamie Foxx on it, to which I heard a voice behind me spout off "Jamie Foxx....what a disgrace" I turn to see a man my age with his face painted like a skull, skull gloves and a Misfits skeleton t-shirt, whom then adds "that guy is such a tool, he's pushed his race back 200 years." "Alright thanks there Danzig" was Rajala's sharp/comedic retort as we left the bigoted man at the register. So I calls Shannon Friday, we had a 7 min "convo" I asked if she wanted to do something sometime later Friday or Saturday and she said that it did not look like she would have time with volunteering to decorate at the kids she babysits' school, but she said she'd call if it got out early perhaps. So hanging onto that prayer I tried my best to get my studying on around here, but it wasn't working so I decided to go someplace I hadn't been in almost a year, my beloved DIA! And my how they are changing it. They have a gigantic wing they are building the walls for and they have shuffled many a piece around to boot. It was very nice, I took almost every book I had and found my way into the forgotten dining hall downstairs and with lighted trees and the moonlight from the skylight above, read and wrote in the notebook (!!) So tranquil. The '01 Kettering boys/girls had a wedding of some of teh High School Sweethearts (mheh) to go to and I was somewhat coming down from the high I had been at for that time alone at the DIA when at exactly 12:30 A.M. the phone rings and it is Shannon and we talk well into the morning and life is glorious. (sigh)

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup

The legendary hand and the reason why you can no longer read the #

...and none of them come very close to putting this day in it's place. Maybe it was supposed to be like this after the very sad yesterday? It was very sad to see John leave us all, going into the Navy and will be gone for years and years. He will do us all proud. It's funny now that he is gone, Dustin is moving in with Rajala at his house taking his place almost like the changing of Presidents in the White House or something. I slept in for Chemistry (some start) and was a little lazy about studying trig. before class, opting mostly for listening to Björk (download 'Who is it' it is very nice) and Modest Mouse huddled in the corner of the cafeteria. Class was alright. Shannon came in like 20 min. late so I got my test back before she came so I could fib and say i got a low B instead of what I really got. I passed her a note Middle School style when the prof was rambling off topic, saying I was sari for keeping her talking in the cold last time and later I gave her my pics from Jurassic Party/Halloween and she laughed and so did I. Really thought it was going to be a blue week when walking out two classmates followed along (including the guy that I think is trying to win her like a prize but that I think she doesn't care much for). But we talked by her car and suddenly the most out-of-nowhere thing I can ever remember "So here, let me give you my phone number....". Panic. I didn't know what to do. I scrambled for a pen in my pocket and she laughed as for some reason I wrote it on my left palm rather than take it in my cell phone. I might have been thinking, although things are traveling very fast now so it's hard to think totally clear about anything, that I had never written a lady's phone # on my hand. Like I've always said how funny it'd be to do all the cliche things like make out in the back of a car near a cliffside and the like. So I wrote it down and she left and I drove home yelling very loud out of my window and pumping fists. I was going to not wash my left hand until next Wednesday, maybe start a cute thing in here like the now defunct (coming up next) "Boston win meter", but those very Red Sox sweated those digits off quickly. Close all the way and then counting the outs and strikes with Isaacs on AIM and then it happened. The Red Sox won the World Series. To try with words to put that in perspective is difficult, the last time they won it (the year before the famous Babe Ruth sale, 1918) Woodrow Wilson was President, penicillin had not been invented, the Titanic was afloat and women's suffrage was still 2 years away. So today was not bad.

Where they hung the jerk that invented work...

'A Very Long Engagement'...soon...!.


Not that weird to see Stephen King sitting in his little sweater down the first base line with his notepad. I guess he's a huge Sox fan, but I wonder what he is writing in that notepad? Costume ball last night/this A.M. at Molly's house and it was thrilling. My costume was realized as I stood at the cash register at Walgreens and suddenly who should appear but Dustin and Higgo sporting the uber-hip aviator sunglasses, telling me that "The Dynasty Club" was to get our Top Gun on. Genius. They went to Joe's Army/Navy and got the flight suits, the patches and the glasses to top it off and with Higgins as Maverick and The D as Goose, there was only one thing left, the unanimous decision for myself to be the guy right at the opening credits who does the patented leg kick (!!!) as the planes land and take off and waves around the glowing baton's etc. Driving around the good Waterford dressed in this gear after picking up 'Spider Man' and singing 'Lovin' Feeling' from the soundtrack = one for the mental scrapbook. So many great costumes to possibly remember, check in my photo link here or in my AIM prof. this weekend to check em out. The highlight: the soon-to-be Naval cadet John Harris smashing Raj's Jack-O-Lantern over his head and wearing it about. Hehee this 79-year old woman at the baseball game is great, she is like my Great Grandma only she is talking about the 1986 World Series and proper defense. Pants with words/names across the buttocks (or "bottom" or "rear end" or "bum" or "keester" et. al.) are the new stiletto heels. Hey since when did VH1 play videos that were great ?? 3:00 A.M. and hello Sarah McLachlan 'World on Fire' (emotional) and Norah Jones 'Those Sweet Words' (can a song be warm and cool at the same time?), and that is of course after they used to play Modest Mouse 'Float On' at just about every clutch moment, my favourite video of the year btw. What is your fav. video this year? Mine is Modest Mouse 'Float On'.

Nobody is an island // everyone has to go

Well it's day 2 in the "post miracle Red Sox over Yankees" planet Earth, and it is still just as remarkable. After leaving Isaacs' following game 7 it was surreal. I didn't know what to play in the car, so I stuck with Travis and blasted 'Driftwood' into the cold night. It's no 'Whoomp There it is' (It's Whoomp right? or woot ??) but I like it an awful lot. Travis is so wonderful. Do you ever, when a new season (weather) starts, get drawn into craving a band or singer right off out of nowhere? I swear it's like when people get bunyon swells on their feet when rain is coming or something, only emotionally and not much to do with your toes. I've done that with Joni Mitchell 'Blue' a lot at the start of each season out of nowhere it will cut right in and I'll have to listen to the corresponding section of it for whatever the corresponding weather (I have decided that that album goes Spring then Summer then Fall then Winter, call me crazy but that's how it feels for me). The same with Travis, it seems like save a few choice times they have been the band of fall/early winter since I've known them (+ now they remind me of someone). Wait till the first snowfall and just try to keep Frank Sinatra Greatest Hits out of my player. I got my 2nd copy of The Beatles 'White Album' on record recently, so I think before it does snow/the ground gets hard with coldness, I am going to bury my other copy time capsule/preservation style. Like do you talk to anybody about an album or a book and they love to tell you how the artist should've done it, left off these songs and gotten rid of that character (usually the best character and your "secret" song)? I don't think I hear that for anything more that I do 'The White Album'; "would've been so much better as one record", "X song is SO dated" and etc, and I'm now convinced in my slightly paranoid way that with this trend (thanks a lot George Lucas "Star Wars" you jerkoff) of musicians and the like going back later and making perfect pieces "more perfect" (loosely) that at some point it will get edited and strangled apart until the "real" White Album is sent out and they come by and collect the "outdated version" like they did with the original reels of the first 3 Star Wars films from theatres still showing them like at midnight movies and etc, specifically replaced with the terrible 'Special Edition' rubbish. Well nobody's snipping off my 'Honey Pie' that's for damn sure.

Don't give me smiles that fade away // Well love exits but patience isn't here

Well for those of you who watched the 5 hours 2 min Game 4 Boston win and the All-time longest playoff game victory by the Sox that followed a few hours and cheers from now, you might be close to as excited as I am about how close they are to doing it! It's almost unimaginable that they went down 3 games to none with a 19-8 loss at home, their best starting pitcher went down and they had to go against the fact that no team in the 100+ years of the sport (and no pro sports team besides two NHL teams) have won a 7 game series after being down 3-0, and now they will start their fallen ace tomorrow night err tonight!! I heart baseball. I heart Wed. night trig. I wish I had class with her at least one other day, it's so hard to go a whole week without her because (for many other reasons but this one quite a bit) everytime I think about her, like my mind wants to plan things that I should say and actions etc and that is very bad and I don't want that because when things don't go to "plan" I panic, somehow I've stayed away from it Lord only knows how. Bad habits. Narrowing down my Halloween costume search, the finalists so far are this one and this one. Any suggestions?? What is your Halloween costume this year? I hope you're don't think you're too old now come off it.

IT'S UP TO ME NOW // TURN ON THE BRIGHT LIGHTS (got to be some more change in my life)

Interpol....wow. I just saw Interpol like 2 hours ago and it was nuts. Opening with the keyboards and 'Next Exit' then right into 'Obstacle 1' (the greatest song you've never heard I bet) man it's so crazy those bands (and I'm sure you have one or two at least like me) that for like 2-3 songs in a row (like those two songs) you can totally freak out and dance about and yell and be free and then they can switch right into 'NYC' (what a message in that song!) and you are in your own "New York cares"-personal special place and you can see it in everyone else's faces that they are there too. That unity is so beautiful. Well everyone except the token drunk lady that steps on your feet like 17 times and slurs something at you just as she spills a beer on somebody. It didn't ruin a thing. Man they played 'Hands Away' too. + Paul Banks (lead singer/rhythm guitar) wore a Frank Sinatra black hat, sharp. ++ the lights were really nice, like how for half of a song it would almost look like totally black shadows were playing the guitars/drums. One of my favourite things also, down with me in the pit there was this guy/girl couple and every once in a bit I'd watch them and just how in-synch they were dancing and yelling the lyrics. I was really happy that they found one another.

Half of the time we're gone but we don't know where! // And we don't know where

Danced on air again last night! Survived until the night Trig. class and waited another 5 min after it started until finally Shannon strolls in late like I usually am. (sigh) Those 3 hours until we got to talk were days, weeks! But class did end and we walked out talking about everything, talked about how I saw the film she told me changed her life when she was 10 ('The Serpent and the Rainbow') and how amazing I thought it was and how interesting the culture around it was to me. We laughed a lot. She brought me a book to borrow called 'Tales From the Medicine Trail' detailing the medical secrets of Shamans, mystics and other healers. It looks fascinating like whoa, hopefully I can break my rule of reading slowly just for this once. We talked and talked, she knows more about cars than anyone I've ever met outside of my fam. (!), talked about working for her Grandfather in a factory a year ago and all the sexual harassment she had to put up with and all the chaos that surrounded her there before she was fired (the "you're fired!" "you can't fire me, I quit!") for basically doing everybody else's job there. We must've been talking for 30 min before either of us realized that a.) It was pitch dark b.) It was quite cold and c.) It was raining quite a lot. It was a moment. It was such a moment, that it totally blanketed the anger/sadness of seeing my beloved Red Sox not only lose in heartbreaking fashion, but to lose their #1 pitcher for the rest of the way. It's a funny game. Did you ever notice on the wrapping for the individual Ivory bar of soap, they have the phrase 'Happiness is a Warm Bath' ? That's such a lift from 'Happiness is a Warm Gun' (bang bang shoot shoot)! Right?

Never Let Go....

...So is the "tagline" of the (not) soon (enough) arriving film 'A Very Long Engagement, go here and see the poster https://www.movieposter.com/cgi-bin/mpw8/viewPIDn.pl?pid=MPW-11414&title=VERY+LONG+ENGAGEMENT . And what a great 'phrase', just like don't let go of hope. I can't wait until Wed. Hey I fixed it in the options in this place so now people other than fellow blogspoters can leave comments, so no fighting, single file now (wink wink wink) ha. And now Andrea (Salinas) leaves me a voice mail on Sun. asking to go frizgolfin and at the end, as I've remembered from a small few others, she ends with a quite "I Love You." at the end. So what is happening ???? Does it go that the same girl that you would've done positively anything for long ago and who basically laughed at any such relationship then suddenly calls everyday (she called probably 3 times ever before btw) now that I might suddenly be "unavailable"? Fuck the "game" you know it. 'Doctor Zhivago' was on AMC before I went to class, and I remember having major problems with the film but the Soundtrack (same composer as from 'Lawrence of Arabia' ) is just sweeping! So one of my favourite secret things to do is that at my work Walgreeners, you know those flashy make-up displays with all those horrible models usually tying in vain to look seductive, well I take the very lipstick/etc they are trying to hawk and draw mustaches/horns/beards et al on them! I'm sure I'll get fired for it too you just know.

So put it up on your face hallelujah // and these days will all go by // anything i can do to you help you through it // I just love to see you smile

So fate would throw me into working with the Jason fella that I think has a crush on me at my store today, I managed despite many subtle requests from him for "hanging out" and "seeing a movie" etc... It hardly even registered though, because yesterday (Wed. anyway) I talked a woman from my trig. to come out and get a bite to eat at the Subway, my treat, after she talked me into skipping out of class after the test. A quick bite turned into us there until they literally kicked us out and closed, and then we stayed and talked in the moonlight together. I don't know what to say really. She told me to see 'The Serpent and the Rainbow' because at 10 it changed her life forever and how funny fate is, they were selling it at Fam. Video for 3 bucks, can't wait to see it. I think I'm about done in 'herr' actually, I could go on about that night forever honestly if it weren't for probably the greatest 3-game series of Wallyball we finished about 45 min ago, The Dustin, The Chris and I pulling it out in OT, and me almost wanting to limp down to the Clarkston Clinic b/c of this left knee and right wrist. But I'm smilin'.

Last night the wife said // "oh boy when you're dead // you don't take nothin with ya but yer soul" THINK

Red Sox are 10 win away from the title. I just found out that my sneeze sounds exactly like my Dad's all of a sudden. I wonder how long that's been going on?? Like I get that way short inhale before and it's more 'violent' I guess I would say. What would you do if you started talking to someone from the other gender of the species and everything was just great and then you ask for their name at the end and it is the same first name as someone in your family that you do not like very much and has the same last name as you? Between that and finding out that Jason (see last entry I think) guy is working at my Walgreens with me for 6 hrs on Thur, this is way too much pseudo-drama for me to handle. Ha. Schultz is back!! We threw a surprise going away party for John before he goes into the Navy in a few weeks, and lo and behold James Schultz is back from Oregon and here for 3 weeks. It'll be nice to get him in some Hold 'Em poker this weekend, another $5 for everyone else pretty much hehehe. Hey did you know that TCM (Turner Classic Movies channel) is doing like Broadway musical month or something, and is playing the likes of 'Singin' in the Rain', Fiddler on the Roof' and of course 'My Fair Lady'??! Uhh hell to the yes? 8-) Well my Trigga studying is not going to do itself and I'm too tired already to even go back and try to make that first part of this sentence make sense. Christ you know it ain't easy.

I pushed her away // I walked to the door // I fell to the floor // I got down on my knees // and I looked at her and she at me

What is 'Desperate Housewives' !!? What is happening ?? I can barely walk after posting 4 T.D's and 1 INT in football yest., always makes sleep/working a thrill. Got to see Andrea for the first time since she moved back from Oregon, she is doing very well for herself living with Misty Hayden + her husband, getting a license (!) and getting registered to go to school soon, I'm way happy that she's got it on track. We had some ice cream and mostly talked about the good old days and where we've been since. I rented a book from the OCC library called 'Love's Philosophy' for my Interpersonal Communication. I think that I might like it, the first thing is a quote that reads:

Nothing in the world is single:
All things by a law divine
In one spirit meet and mingle.
Why not I with thine?" ~Shelley (1819)

I really really go with that, that everything brilliant is bound by Love. Today at work Jason from Clarkston Walgreens called and asked me if I wanted to go to a Karaokee bar after work. I said I had other things going on because I think that he has a crush on me, he is a homosexual. It didn't really freak me out, I wasn't even positive that that he was 'hitting on me', what do you think? It doesn't bother me, it's just a first from me. It's almost a first for me from either gender of the species, so maybe I should be happy about that. I stayed in to study/rest (which I'll get some flack from my friends about soon enough) and the film 'Contact' was on. I thought it was great. I loved how the woman (Jodie Foster) pushed everyone away that tried to hold her back for their own reasons/gain and stayed true to herself against all the darkness. I also liked how her beau was totally cool with catching her when she fell and cool with her being the trailblazer/genius. Their relationship made me smile. He also had a sharp jacket/scarf, I'm gonna save for that one like whoa.

6. Hands Away

So this song really saved it for me tonight:

'Will you put my hands away?
Will you be my man?

Oh, what happened?

Home spun desperation's knowing
Inside your cover's always blown'


It almost seems like Interpol wrote this song from a female P.O.V. (?) but it hit me so hard today I literally could not get past it or really the 5 tracks before that (Ever have one of those albums where the first 5 or so tracks are just so good that you simply cannot get past them/on any given day any of those songs could be the greatest song that band had done or anyone had done as far as you are concerned??... what up those who have 'The Doors', 'Joni Mitchell: Blue', 'Weezer: Blue', 'The Moon and Antarctica', 'A Rush of Blood to the Head', 'Zeppelin IV' or almost anything from The Beatles, U2 or Radiohead). Just knowing how others have feelings of chaos and panic spinning inside, much of it probably from their own design ('hands'), and that feeling of resignation, it really helps take me away from it...proof (as if I needed it) that great friends and music save your life.

I'm looking in on the good life I might be doomed never to find

I'm so tired of feeling sorry for myself!! I wish that I could meet someone special and have a relationship. I know that everyone deep down wants someone to care for and someone to care for them, and I am def. no different. That's the only thing that I really want for myself out of this life. I see other people in relationships that couldn't care less at all, they even look around at other women when they are in them. Is that how it is supposed to be? That you date someone, and brag about sex with her to all the guys? And I've seen sex destroy so much, yet it seems like the only way to have a woman at this stage of my life is to "give it up" which I have nothing against for others, I just feel differently (as usual) about it. Like how I think of "saving myself, not exactly until marriage though" is like saying 2 months into a relationship "I love you, but I'm not going to ask you to marry me right?". Well "holding out" has been easy since I haven't had a sig. other really ever. Everyone says "You need to be more confident, be the man, have swagger! etc." but I just can't fake all that well enough because truth is I am very shy and very insecure and with a special woman near, it is multiplied by 100 it feels like. And then I beat myself up about it, like I feel that I'm nowhere near special enough for her and I try to push that person as far away from me as I can and just pray that they will find someone better than me. It's so hard. Are my expectations for love too high? I don't think so because I've felt these special moments I'm always talking about before, and they were more beautiful than I had ever dreamed they would be. That's how I see it. These special moments where you both realize "it" at that moment, not just "let's go to dinner and a movie and the backseat of my car". I just feel like quitting it all so badly. It's a daily fight now with my head to not just give up and try to get the first girl I see and sex it up...it seriously feels like I'm standing in this large, sealed, clear container where you can see everything that goes on and not be able to stop it and then having it slowly fill with a little more water day by day. But I know that she is out there in this big scary world and is battling the same garbage as me. I can't give up on her, I have to hold on. It just seems so far away from me sometimes.