But the water looked so black and deep, that he closed his eyes and he went to sleep // 'till the next day

Feeling like you have gently gone off the rails over the course of 3 years is scary the day you realize it. The only way my mind can contemplate how to return towards the light I've somehow drifted away from is to take inventory of my fears.

-Grinding through so many mentally/emotionally straining days at the pharmacy on two meals a day makes me feel as though I am slowly slipping into a light fog where my words haze into a overly poetic, avant garde nonsense. If you told me a phone number, whether by a overanxious lack of self-confidence or pure forgetfulness, I'm afraid that I couldn't repeat it back to you. I would be a liar if I didn't say the smallest fraction of me writes here in case I might someday need it to remember.

-I am so content to sleep and sleep and sleep. The more I stare at my dreams, the more I wonder if I might ever have the dedication to step out and try to create some of them here.

-In the deepest grooves of my heart, am I forever chained to dejection, surrender and the worse case scenario? Has my tendency to extinguish the faintest spark of a relationship become irreversible instinct?

I need a reset that only my heart and mind can together provide.