Sitting here thinkin about yesterday // how we shared a laugh and played

Something has happened. I'm not much a man of science, maybe you are? I'll give you a trace of my steps and perhaps you can deduce what has changed...

Thursday: came down from stressful (!!) few days before, FINALLY watched 'Superman' that Isaacs loaned me something like 4 months ago (Baun: "I don't care how strong he is, nobody can just halt plate tectonics!") and accompanied Raj's girlfriend "Erin with an E" to see Will Hoge in Lansing. I hadn't heard hide or hair of him before then, but he was really good. It was like soul/rock. He was really passionate, singing half of one song standing to the side of the microphone, just yelling it out to the devoted few gathered around. Got back late to the Raj manor, caught Isaacs there, watched a few episodes of 'Da Ali G Show' and went home.

Friday: breezed through a midshift at the 'Greeners. Went back to the Raj home and dove down to the bottom of a bottle of Canadian Mist with Higgins. I clumsily broke my beloved T-Rex shot glass which simultaneously broke me heart. Far too much alcohol one way or the other. I set my phone alarm to wake me at 7:45 so I could make it down to ticketmaster and pick up tickets to Coldplay for my sis for X-mas. Lots of blurred lines regarding heterosexuality. I don't know what it is about this group and alcohol, I think there might be something to be said about being too comfortable with one's sexuality.

Saturday: so of course waking up right on time at 1o:15 I stumble upstairs, pull out my credit card and snap the best available duo off the i-net and again cuddle up with the floor downstairs again. B-fast at 'The Diggity', my eyes are bigger than my stomach as always (which always makes for a nice following day b-fast) & I still feel drunk. I took my last pull at something like 3:3o AM....it is 1:oo PM now...so I get home at like 2:oo-ish and I just lie in bed. I don't sleep (somehow), the tv is on to football but I'm not really watching... I just lie there awake for something like 5 hours thinking/daydreaming. Dizzy. Went out and saw 'Walk the Line'. Joaquin Phoenix was on fire. Took a sleeping pill (diphenhydramine, the ingredient to most otc sleeping pills, also known well by its common name, benadryl) to get as much rest as I could for the sucktitude of a store meeting at 7:oo AM.

Sunday: do the meeting thing, go back and nap, then get dolled up for the 10-6 shift. Go in, all is well.

It must have been 2:oo or so when I felt it. To try and describe it as best as I can, sans poetics, it was like suddenly switching my view to suddenly as if I am seeing everything as always, only as if somehow removed from it. Like I'm watching it live on tv or something. Like you know that feeling when you sort of go into 'autopilot' for a short time? It was like this only continuously. It was like I would function and say things but it only seemed like I was somehow just barely getting the right words together (even though maybe I was and there was no problem...?). I also was having a hard time keeping thoughts inside of my head. Like from what I remember I could think something and still be moving in stride, chewing gum and walking you know? Now it's like I suddenly have to bite down on the thought, catching it in my teeth just as it is trying to escape (??) It literally took me like 2 hours to convince myself that I hadn't had a stroke.

I got to see Melissa in the flesh after work (! x 72.8) which was almost predictably wonderful. She helped sew me back together about a few things and as always I for some reason make up for all the words I don't say because of shyness around everyone else by just unconsciously monopolizing all airspace together. Even then it was like I was like in this weird state. Like... (random/strange reference) you know that scene at the end of 'The Matrix' when 'I know kung fu' gets knocked off and then comes back and he suddenly is changed (but not really) and he starts blocking the Agents attacks like it is nothing? Like it feels like my 'trying apparatus' has a malfunction, so I'm not necessarily having some sort of intellectual breakthrough, but... I don't know !!

It's driving me crazy trying to describe! It was the same today. I went to sleep expecting it to be some sort of cosmic hangover but I wake up and go to work and it's the same. Like I almost feel afraid because it feels like I'm sleepwalking, yet I get everything correct that I would normally do correctly. As if it is all a dream that I perfectly remember. The thing is I like it.