This is the realest thing // As ancient choirs sing

Alright so apparently I am a drinker now. I'm not sure how I suddenly decided that my old fears of drunken drivers and rolling automobiles had finally breathed their last but Friday was apparently the pseudo-wake. Or maybe 'fake wake' since it rhymes and also deflates the impression that I'm striving to be #2 from the post down there a ways. Anyway so I drank. And then I drank and drank. I drank a whole lot and yet somehow I found "that place": that certain state in between feeling nothing and from feeling completely sick and then usually seeing your dinner plate in reverse (hon. mention to "praying to the porcelain god"). It was delightful, and since long ago proving to myself that I am not an angry drunk but rather a silly (and on occasion depressed), everything was worth a giggle.

No climbing in trees or nude pool diving or anything else comparable to the hazy Spring Break escapade (though the parking pass for Metro Apirport and S.B. '06 has officially been stowed away in it's upright and locked position...also ironic spring break reference: this song glided through my headphones as our plane glided from the runway towards Florida) it is just nice to find "that place" with your friends at your side, like some sort of chemically induced nirvana, where silliness and laughs conquer drama. I think some of that anger from original philosophy "I don't need alcohol to have a good time!" has washed away, revealing a place where alcohol is not needed but is welcome as a healthy alternative. And now I can use my 'T-Rex' shot glass. Ha.

Ever have one of those moments that is funny but for all the wrong reasons? We got the guys and dolls together and went out to this Haunted House in Pontiac in what used to be a K-Mart Sat. night. And first I should say how this night was the first official night where it is very noticeably cold outside. Sort of that first time where you consciously have to think from then on "I have to bring my jacket/coat every day now" (I wouldn't expect a certain west coast reader to relate ha) Even my particularly fetching 'Brazil' jacket was leaving me with a shiver.

We work our way to the front of this 1 hour line and they originally break us off into two 4 person groups and we are standing up at the curtain ready to pass in and I'm actually kind of excited, like "oh wow what is going on in there this is gonna be hilarious!". Well of course our 2 groups merge in like 9 seconds and we go in and it's indeed hilarious, which I'm sure is not the point at all. I mean the first thing we see is comparable to that little ghost things that hangs from a ceiling in an elementary school and vibrates and makes a sound when you touch it. And people are walking around in face paint just randomly, like they're looking for their seats at a football game or something. So the smart ass comments begin to fly. Schultz asks an 8 foot Minotaur for a hug. I told an almost terrifying goblin "you can't touch me, it says so in the disclaimer." to which he trumps me x 17 "I wouldn't want to!". Snap. And the ceiling suddenly comes down when we are in a sort of elevator style of a room and Schultz hits the floor fetal position style. HAHAH!

Here's where it takes the turn. Misty has been selected to choose a chess piece from a "haunted" chessboard. She picks a rook I think, and our 8 person group gets a key. We wander on and guy comes up from behind a fence and asks for our two keys. We tell the monster we only got a one key. He roars to us again for our other key. Higgins: "Listen fucko, we only have the one key!" The guy totally breaks character "Security!" .....WTF!? We literally have to negotiate with him just to continue. So a bit later Misty has to select a "haunted" stick which will dictate which room we are to move on to. We do this. We take our stick and one key into like some sort of makeshift bog. We enter and this guy stabs this girl, something right out of the great 'Naranjas a Mediodía' 10th grade Spanish one-act (see: fake gunshot followed by Davíd Coopersmith holding the hidden red marker to his chest and smearing it down as he slides to the floor) and asks for our two keys so that we might see the magic wizard and we can win a rare prize and so Schultz can hold up his side bet among the fellas by giving it an open mouth kiss. "Alright we only have one key". "Where is the 2nd key??!". I think somebody in our group yelled out 'asshat!' and then the guy (honestly!) gets on a walkie talkie and then says we didn't win and then we walked out. That was it.

We re-grouped and fumed about the $20 that we'd never get back, but then laughed about the weird scene that had just somehow entertained us. And hey I got to listen to Fiona Apple there and back, so really all and all a good day.