Sunday morning // Brings the dawn in

Oh the thinks I've thought today. Work on Sunday is usually the worst thing ever, it's like a test of stamina due to the fact that it's almost the only day in the week where I have to get up when normal people usually do, but also because the first half of the day is just a massacre and the second half is just watching paint drying/ everybody wash their autos on the usually gorgeous day. Today was not much of an exception. You know how yawning is contagious? "Michelle, My Belle" and I would literally yawn back and forth throughout the day, like domino effect. Also you know how you usually, pretty much without thinking, allow yourself enough oxygen to say something and take the breath after it's out? Today somehow I'd lost command of that, which is especially remarkable for me because I'm used to just talking and talking with no end in sight and very fast to cover my fears that none of what I'm about to finish saying makes sense. So I'd run out of breath mid-sentence somehow and stand there huffing/puffing like a moron, it was silly. Today was a fun day however.

Michelle gets packets of drug info in her mailbox and she usually tosses them out as she knows them front to back basically, but I started reading one, about the somewhat controversial Plan B Emergency Contraceptive. It was really interesting to me, like I learned so much about "indoor plumbing" that I'd somehow never known. For example I didn't know that from the point of insertion it takes almost exactly 72 hours for sperm to find the egg, I'd always figured that it was within a handful o hours, I mean you eat food and it goes from top to out again in like 2 days so why, with all the "stuff" being all down there, would it take 72 hours? Then I saw how The Plan B works, which was cool. Like I thought it for sure had to do something to mess up a fertilized egg to stop pregnancy, hence the controversy. But then we got out the diagram:


There we go. Before I think I had the general idea, you know, I'd name drop 'fallopian tube' and the sperm hooks up with the egg and there we go, but there were way more details. Like so the egg comes out of left or right ovary, down the tube and hooks up with the sperm in 72 hrs. Like this:

And the fertilized egg sticks to the uterin lining and 9 months later (egg-timer bell chime). But then what the Plan B is is basically a mega-dose of hormone (like taking a whole pack of birth control, or "the pill" or "b.c." whichever street slang tickles you) and what it does is is it reroutes the sperm before it makes it to the egg and also stops ovulation (egg baking) for something like a 91% chance of not "having a bun in the oven" or "knocked up" or...ha that's almost the most fun, the euphemism games you can play. So basically it is like sending the police in there to throw the egg in the clink and to send the sperm off into exile. It's almost sad. Coupled with my prior, self-professed mastery of contraceptives ("condoms in typical use are only 92% effective" still freaks me out) apparently I'm Walgreeners OB/GYN super-male. No such thing as a dumb question now. Ha.