I'm not here This isn't happening

......Ever had one of those moments when a huge argument is certain, a big enough argument that you feel like it may be strong enough to end everything, but defiantly will end everything if it doesn't happen? I called her once last night and once tonight to hopefully have a chance at talking together in person, only just a second ago did she call me back and settle for it on the stupid telephone. I am poor on the phone, I don't understand why, I try my best, maybe that's the problem. Well things came out, she said her "I'm very uncomfortable with this" 's, my problems with certain things came out, this sucks. She said at the end of our 8 minutes that she would call me when she gets back there, and even myself being of the "glass half full" faith it really seems almost 50-50 that this might be the last time we speak. Ever. I'm so fucking afraid of that. It's like it is going to happen, and really this may be one of the biggest things we may ever go through, and because there cannot be a compromise, it may end. I don't want to say anything to hurt her. I do not want to hurt her. I'm afraid because this is how they end. I am this cancer, like not only someone that isn't right for them, but is the opposite of what the person wants. It hurts beyond belief when all you want is to be a person that helps someone like no one else can and really believe that that person might think you are special in a good way, but instead causes the other person distress and grief. I've cried because of her (and others in the past too) and it seems so ridiculous that someone might ever feel even close to something like that about me. Someone that believes in me and thinks some of the things that are probably odd about me are "cute" and writes things about me and really trusts me. It's honestly hard for me to even make my fingers type that. Only the opposite, it's this hell where the people that inspire hope in me, I inspire fear and discomfort in them. And then I feel worse because I'm pitying myself and being selfish when there are those people who don't have enough to eat or don't have parents out there. I'm so lost with this, I wouldn't even know how to get help.